This
...as in, "WTF is all this?" This is Landlore.. . a bunch of writings given the scrib while hyped up on caffeine and inked by a hitchhiker of more than a decade. Said hitchhiker, pirate, holy man and brat would be me. There is actually a method to this madness... 'n that method lies in the labels. The quickies...

Events: Events are what's happening. The Indian Market in Sante Fe is mad happening, Burning Man is happening, flower gatherings definitely hap it up... even cross-state hitching races between hikers are happening. Events aren't necessarily rooted in one place... but being rooted in one place doesn't stop it from being an event. While the burrito I'm eating is definitely holding an event in my mouth, I try and reserve this label for really big or entertaining events that others can share in. But I dunno... this is a really big burrito...

Gear: I'm wearing it, carrying it and posting from it. The "it" is gear... everything from footwear, to backpacks, to laptops. It's the stuff you carry with you because you just couldn't leave home without it... and, oftentimes, gear makes travel easier. You'll notice each piece of gear has Tech 1, 2 or 3 attached to it. Tech1 is old world gear that's so pimptastic that travelers still use it to this day. Tech1 (Towel, Hoodie, etc) is usually lightweight and often inexpensive. Tech2 (Padlock, Pocket Knife, etc) is from our more modern era, and has often helped to push the boundaries of travel... at other times, however, Tech2 stuff just adds more weight unless it's actually needed. Tech3 (Laptops, Solar Panels, etc) is usually expensive, often heavier and almost always very specific in its function. The Sufi poets use the donkey as a metaphor for the burden a person carries inside and outside of themselves. One of their stories even has a man carrying his donkey up a hill. When it comes to Tech3.Gear, I definitely feel the weight o' that donkey from time to time... but the look on a cops face when they start pulling out my portable music studio from my backpack is worth the added effort. McPriceless!

Goods: Goods 'n gear would be the same thing... if, that is, you could eat your backpack. Goods are consumables. If you're the peep doin' the consumin', then the goods are "nomz". If your computer's the one nomin' on the goods, then we're talkin' batteries or some other form o' juice. Goods that you put on a wound or in your mouth to medicate your busted a$$ are just as important. Goods for travelers have come a long way. There are specific goods for each type of travel, or terrain, or even to protect you from alien brainscans. It's all goods (yeah... I went there).

Legends: Travelers have made the wind their teacher, the road their home and the horizon their destination. There are only three outcomes to this fairy-tale we've set out on: Insanity, Surrender, Burn. Some say death should be added to that list, but it's the same as "Surrender" in my book. Burn is the only one that's important. The road makes legends of those who pass thru its fires and come out on the other side even stronger. Others lapse into the chaos of insanity along the way... or surrender from the path and return to civilization. I feel for these latter ones, as there's no way to not "see" the horizon once it's called you. As to the former of these two, I don't actually believe in "sanity". The type of insanity I'm referring to is the one that goes inward and doesn't come back out again. In a way, I envy these... as they're on a road no one has ever hitched before and may never hike again. But the legends... some legends are easily recognizable as icons of the road. Others are only legends to those of us on the streets... or in the sewers and tunnels beneath the World of Man. Then there are lesser known legends that've passed their story on to me to tell, with few others to turn to before they left this life behind.

Lessons: Fortunately, I have zero doubts that anyone who reads even a word of these writings will immediately abandon their entire life and head out on the road as a hitchhiker. But there is that .01% chance that someone just isn't gonna go for it. As such, they'll never have the chance to learn some of the lessons that can only be learned from a dark alley... or when diving thru the air towards the river below you, and wondering why you jumped from the bridge in the first place. As I've somehow managed to survive this long, I fig... hey... maybe someone would love to know some o' this stuff so that they don't have to learn the lessons that leave the scars. Sounds like a good plan to share 'em. Especially as I've found these lessons can be applied as easily in a cubicle as they can from a curbside.

Peeps: Peeps aren't just people, they're also little sugar-coated marshmallow treats. They come in many colors, but once you lick the sugar off, you find that they're just like humans: they're all "white on the inside". Heh, heh... moving on. Peeps usually covers a "type" of human. I focus on types surrounding street life and travel. I have yet to find a human with just one type (aka, "The Perfect Peep"), but I'm keeping my hopes up. Someone... somewhere... is Peep Zero... and I will find them.

Ports: Every ship, no matter how well stocked or how large its store rooms are, has to head into port eventually. Our ports are cities, where we dock our bodies and backpacks while restocking and taking some much needed rest and relaxation... and with as many lonely housewives as possible [I love every last one of you]. Some ports are better than others... some are straight threatening against noble pirates such as ourselves. For some reason, the mainstream hasn't yet discovered the link between global warming and the decline in the pirate population. They'll come around eventually. Until then, it's best to know what to expect from a port before even thinking about heading into harbor.

Resources: You don't think a dumpster is a resource? I am Jack's Complete Lack of Surprise. Resources are people, places, events and more that make traveling more fun, easy or enjoyable. Tourist Information Centers are a resource, showers are a resource, the Internet is a resource and even John Q Law is a resource. Some of the most important resources are jobs, contracts and temporary sources of payment... sometimes illicit. Knowing your resources makes you a guerrilla warrior of travel.

Speakeasies: In the hazy, dark and smoke-filled corners of the world, we travelers and street urchins meet to talk about our latest adventures and hold palaver over our favorite intoxicants. Coffee shops, tea rooms, chillaxed restaurants, dive bars and more are all modern branches of the speakeasy ideal. With anti-smoking laws on the rise, noise violations and some pretty dirty attacks being made on our world, it has become harder and harder to find a real speakeasy where other travelers meet. The ones that still hold shop with their doors open have become legends, spread from one traveler to the next in passing.

Squats: A squat can be an abandoned warehouse, an affordable hostel, a park bench or even a homeless shelter. They're often the best place to meet other travelers and plug in to what's really going on. Either that, or they're where to get info on the streets, the laws and what dark alleys to steer clear of... or even what subway tunnels are abandoned.

Stories: Stories are the meat and potatoes of the traveler's life. It's also the gold we barter in when meeting with other travelers. The flame of wanderlust within our hearts ignites and burns all the more brightly when we find that same flame burning in another person. Stories often grow and change along the way, as the telling is more fun that way. Besides, they're often so crazy that no one's gonna believe you anyway. My brother Zero and I are both bards, yet both of us bow before the epic storytelling of the bard Mephistopheles. Sadly, that means you're going to have to settle for me... who's only tied for second-best bard. Number-One, afterall, is otherwise in dispose.

X: If you're nearby, you're required to stop... or, at the very least, you've been voluntold to get your a$$ to where X marks the mothafrakkin spot. An X can be a gas station, a mountain, or a flock of will o' the wisps just outside of Marfa, Texas. They're worth going out of your way to get there and worth pitching tent a whole minute to stay there. Treasure is every pirate's goal... and you don't come across treasure maps too often these days.

Trails: If you need to cross a border illegally, then you'll need to know what route to take. That's a trail. If you really, REALLY wanna get away from society, then you may hit up a mountain or a forest trail with a tent and some supplies. Even a specific city-to-city map of hitchpoints is a trail. Trails can be goldmines when trying to save time or to achieve specific ends that no other path would provide for.

Territories: There's really no difference between Texas and California... or Canada and Mexico. Maybe a few degrees in temperature, but it's all the same... right? Oh, wait... no... they're not the same at all. The rules, the land and the people change dramatically between each territory... and even more so when you set to harbor in a city. For anyone who's hitchhiking, or who's otherwise living the alt.travel lifestyle, I've tried to hunt down exact laws for each territory on whether or not hitchhiking is legal... along with a few other fun legal factoids (e.g., extradition and adultery laws). You should still research the laws ahead of time, as laws never seem to sit still... and they're rarely on our side.


Have any suggestions, changes, corrections or other thoughts? Contact me. BTW, I LOVE FEEDBACK! Criticism, fo dam sho... hit me. Please! I get compliments all the time and they can get old. I actually hated compliments for a while. Now I'm all like "whateva" and even get a kick outta some of 'em. But a good critique? That's frakking priceless. So don't hold back if you wanna hit me.

"I want you to hit me as hard as you can."
~Tyler Durden, Fight Club